Hey Mark, I blew out on my diet last week. What should I do?
I think the best thing to do would be to give up now as you obviously can’t stick to a diet….
KIDDING, kidding 🙂
No – the best thing to do is to reflect back on the moment you binged … What were you feeling at the time? Was it helplessness or defeat? Did you feel you weren’t making progress so “what’s the point?”
Usually this action is from us comparing our values (or bodies) to an outside influence. Example; “I have been dieting for 2 weeks yet I still don’t look like my friend who eats whatever she wants”. Or “ Its never going to happen, its pointless, I should just give up and ‘accept’ myself”.
Am I right?!
Long story short, you are injecting this persons values into your life and subordinating to them thinking they are better than you. It’s BS! They have a unique set of values, as do you, theirs just happens to be doing photo shoots for example. This does not make them right or wrong, as it does not make you right or wrong for having different values.
Essentially what happens is you project a fantasy and then compare your current reality to your fantasy. Because your current reality or in this case, body composition doesn’t live up to your fantasy you get depressed and turn to food for comfort.
This takes us far way from gratitude and its only when you’re grateful for what you have, you get what you want. To summarise, have a look at these three points:
1. Truth of achievements:
There will always be an equal amount of support and challenge towards your goal. You will only accept the challenge if it is something that is high on your values. Example; I have a heck of a lot of respect for Tony Doherty creating FitX. We can all agree that the FitX event would be massively stressful to put on… a global event with athletes from all over the world participating. To take on such a great challenge, one needs to be inspired about the challenge otherwise they will back down at the first hurdle, let alone the continued day to day challenges. This is what I mean when I say, the truth of achievement. Achievement doesn’t come without challenge. The most growth occurs on the border of chaos and order, support and challenge. This is the difference between eustress (stress you thrive off) and distress (stress that kills you).
You welcome the stresses that are on your highest values (eustress) and resent the stresses that come from your lowest values (distress).
2. Truth of others:
Most people are having relationships with who they think others “should be”, projecting a fantasy of how “it should” be instead of seeing them for who they are. Example; The fitness model who is in shape all year around, doing photo shoot after photo shoot clearly has a value on looking good and doing photo shoots. When we appreciate them for that unique value, we give ourselves permission to appreciate ourselves. In other words, some might see that as excessive, others may wish to be them; it’s about living true to your values. Seeing them as they are includes the downside; they don’t get to eat out, they don’t get to drink with their friends, they don’t get to sit on the couch and eat ice cream and chocolate with their lover.
They are not right for their values, you are not wrong for yours. But appreciating them for the discipline they have is the first step towards appreciating yourself for the values you have. Liberate yourself from ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to’ and move towards ‘love to’ and ‘want to’. No one tells a champion like Janet Kane to compete except Janet Kane. If you ever get a chance to speak to her, listen to her language, it’s full of “want to” and “love to”.
3. Taking away gratitude:
This one is pretty straightforward. Trying to live by someone else’s values is suicide and breeds resentment towards self and others. Instead, any action that you think has set you back, ask, how has this served my highest value? What has going off track allowed me to do? What benefit from this drawback am I getting? Don’t stop until you become humble by the magic of the universe and your subconscious for always giving you what you need, when you need it.
So you blew out your diet – Its no big deal. Ask, how does it serve and what is this trying to teach you? Does this blow out bring you back to center, teaching you to be more centered and balanced in your approach?
It’s a mental game. Here’s to self- governance!
Maximus Mark Ottobre
Owner and Director of Enterprise Fitness
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